Friday's Funnies

 Puzzled

Jon pulled in the Popeye’s drive thru, and since he wasn’t too hungry, he just ordered a kid’s combo with a chicken leg. The lady on the speaker asked, “which side”? Puzzled a bit by the question, Jon responded “the left side, I guess, does it make a difference?” After a big, hearty laugh, she said “I mean, do you want fries or mashed potatoes”!

 

Looking For Help

Customer: "Excuse me, but are you looking to hire any help at present?"

Manager: "No, we already have all the staff we need."

Customer: "Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?"

 

Sunday School

One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts."  Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea.  Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, "Be not afraid, Thy comforter is coming."

 

Dogless

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Educators Dictionary

Acadormant - Students who have stopped making any academic progress.

Bookstache - The facial hair added by students to every portrait in the American history textbook.

Colate - Two students who arrive tardy to class at the same time.

Corroborative learning - When all the students in a class agree to stick to the same excuse for why their work is not done.

Coverage-based instruction - Instruction based on the idea that what is taught is much more important than what is learned.

E-fail - Electronically sent failure notices.

Erasivot - The divot that you get in your paper if you erase too hard.

Fontics - Literacy training through the use of wacky computer type fonts.

Handoubt - To wonder if the students even looked at the important papers you just passed them.

Hydropendant - Student who requests permission to get a drink of water every ten minutes.

Hyper-critical thinking - Higher level thinking evidenced by such questions as, "What kind of a haircut is that?!" And, "Why do we have to do this stupid assignment?!"

Interconversations - The office conversations you overhear when someone forgets to turn off the intercom after an announcement.

Dispute

There's a labor dispute at my office. The boss wants me to do some.

 

Long-winded Visiting Minister

A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse. Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon. After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said "Amen, Pharaoh?" His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"

 

Obviously

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

 

Happy Childhood

On admission to the nursing home where I worked, each new resident was interviewed by a social worker. During one session, an alert, twinkling-eyed, 96-year-old man was asked, "Did you have a happy childhood?" "So far, so good!" he replied.

Dad Joke

2019: Didn't jog.

2020: Didn't jog.

2021: Didn't jog.

2022: Didn't jog.

2023: Didn't jog.

2024: Still haven't jogged.

This is a running joke.

 

Today’s Thought

If you eat your cake fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're walking.