Traveling Light?
Laws Of
Life
Law of
Biomechanics
- The severity of
the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the
Theater & Hockey Arena
- At any event,
the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They
are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or
the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is
over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The
aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law
- As soon as you
sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which
will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
- If there are
only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces
- The chances of
an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical
Argument
- Anything is
possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical
Appearance
- If the clothes
fit, they're ugly.
Law of Public
Speaking
-- A closed mouth
gathers no feet!
Law of Commercial
Marketing Strategy
- As
soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR
the store will stop selling it!
Doctors'
Law
- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by
the time you get
there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and
you'll stay sick.
Broke
A thief broke into my house last night ... he
started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
Things
I Learned Living In The South
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are
5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are
10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no
one's seen before.
4. If it grows,
it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and
Twiced are words.
6. It is not a
shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means:
Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People
actually grow, eat and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one
word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no
such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is
appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like
a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and
forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet
is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't
have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until
you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't
PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is
singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the
festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect,
or animal.
18. You carry
jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own
five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
20. The local
papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages
for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you
meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
22. You think
that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what
a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish
is the other white meat.
25. We don't need
no Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You
understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who
just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the
chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Dad Joke
I've been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes, you know, Raisin Awareness
Today's Thought
You never realize how little self-control you have until
you're sitting in front of chips and salsa.
