21 YEARS – I sent out my first Friday Funnies
on January 28, 2000. Why do I do
it? To make you smile and as a reminder
for you to pray for us. I enjoyed this
recent e-mail, “Stan, thank you for this fun goofitude that you have so
faithfully kept up over, how many years now? We love it!! Keep it up Friend.
And may Jesus bless your socks off as you remain faithful in the important work
that He has entrusted to you.”
Getting Older
The fact that my body cracks like a glow stick every time
I move yet doesn't actually glow is disappointing.
Bacon
I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Wedding Ceremony
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the
Sunday morning service. After the
benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in
front of the congregation. For the life
of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married
please come to the front?" he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six
single men stepped to the front.
Reality Check
On a tour of Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, the guide stopped and addressed the
crowd. "Do you want to see what a real cave looks like?" he
asked. Of course, everyone shouted yes. Without another word, he
shut off all the lights.
Poker Night
The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice
of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for
poker," said the friend. "I'll
be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his
wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh
yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are
three doctors there already!"
The Differences Between The First Pregnancy And All
The Ones To Follow...
1st: Cannot contain the excitement of telling absolutely
everyone in the world your news and dream about all of the responses to fill
your email, voicemail and Facebook page.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: Excited to tell, but also realize that
most people will simply give the polite "congrats" because they think
you are crazy to keep adding on each additional child.
1st: Anxious to fill out the maternity clothes.
Constantly checking in the mirror to see if the pouch is there.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: Depressed to find that you cannot button
your regular pants before you even reach your first doctor's appointment. Only
relief is to let the pouch that never went away out and stop trying to hide it.
1st: Begin wearing maternity clothes before you actually
have to.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: Begin to cry as you open the bin of
maternity clothes because you are wearing them a full two months earlier than
the first time around.
1st: Morning sickness can be comforted by rest and light
snacks.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You ignore it while you care for your
other kids. All snacks must be eaten in secret because the first kids will beg
for whatever food they catch you with.
1st: You write down every moment of pregnancy into a journal
for your baby to read eighteen years later.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You blog your occasional thoughts so that
they can someday be printed out because the action of actually writing in a
journal requires alone time that you no longer have.
1st: You and your husband spend long moments gazing at
your growing belly, dreaming about who this little creature will be.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You no longer have time to gaze because
the first creature constantly interrupts.
1st: You beam when friends tell you that you have the
pregnancy glow.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You roll your eyes at the glow comment
because you know the truth is that you are sweaty, bloated, tired, and have
friends who are lying.
1st: You think you can eat anything you want because it
is finally okay to gain weight.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You realize you cannot eat anything you
want because you are still recovering from that binge from the first pregnancy.
1st: You take all of the pregnancy classes, read all of
the books and consider yourself an expert on all things baby related.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You realize you never knew anything about
babies and only check the books when something does not feel right.
1st: You worry about embarrassing things happening during
the birth, like (gasp) pooping while pushing the baby out.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: You do not care about anything but
getting that back-breaking baby out.
1st: You pray for the little one growing inside of you
and are humbled that you get to carry this life for such a sweet time.
2nd, 3rd, etc.: Well, maybe not everything is different.
Today’s though
Nothing's scarier than that moment you lose your balance
in the shower and think, 'THEY'RE GOING TO FIND ME WITH NOTHING ON!'
