Friday's Funnies

Why I Like Retirement?

How many days in a week?

6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

When is a retiree's bedtime?

3 hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?

It comes with a 10% discount!

Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?

Tied shoes.

How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take all day.

What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

NUTS!

What do retirees call a long lunch?

Normal.

What is the best way to describe retirement?

The never-ending coffee break.

Why do retirees count pennies?

They're the only ones who have the time!

Proud Dad

Dad #1: "My son is so smart that when he writes home from college, I have to go to the dictionary."

Dad #2: "You're lucky. When my son writes home, I have to go to the bank."

Peach Brandy

A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning.  It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy.  He told the preacher that he would attend his church IF the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.  Sunday morning, the man visited the church. The preacher recognized the man from the pulpit and said, "I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given."

iPad

This afternoon my son was playing on his iPad. He asked his brother to help him with one of the apps.  Handing the iPad to his brother, he asked, "Why did you take the case off your iPad?"  Innocently, he responded, "Because the app said it was 'case sensitive'!"

Knight Riddle

Q: What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

A: Sir Render.

Soup

When a waitress in a New York City restaurant brought an Englishman the soup of the day, he was a bit dismayed.  "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"  "It's bean soup," she replied.  "I don't care what it's been," he replied. "What is it now?"

New Technology

I finally convinced my mother that it was a good idea for her to learn to text. Her first message to me was: "Whereisthespacebar?"

Today’s Thought

Laughter is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.