Friday's Funnies

Equal Time

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' Her response, 'Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'

Powerful Shopper

In a shop, two men struck up a conversation. Just as one fellow said that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power outage caused the lights to flicker overhead. 'That,' he sighed, 'must be her checking out now.'

True Answer

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.

Scheduling Courtesy

Suffering from a bad case of the flu, a man phoned his doctor for to get an appointment. When he was told the scheduled date of the appointment, he became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"

What She Said

Maury and his wife showed up to a very popular restaurant, but it was very crowded. Mrs. Maury went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess appeared to ignore her and kept writing in her book. So she asked again, "How much of a wait?" The hostess then looked up and said, "About ten minutes." A short time later they heard an announcement over the loudspeaker, "Willete B. Long, your table is ready."

What's Wrong with Lawyer Jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else seems to think they're jokes.

Murphy's Laws on Work

• Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'
• To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.
• Important documents that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
• There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
• If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
• The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens he/she is carrying.
• No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

Learning to drive

I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver’s permit. “Oh, she said, “I already know everything in the book.” “You do?” I returned. “Yep”, she said, very smugly. I thought, “OK, I’ll give her a hard one.” So I asked her, “How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?” “One,” she replied. “What?” I asked. “One?!” She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, “One, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one.”

Job Interview Question

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer: “I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”

Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”