Funnies for 6/29/2007

A young boy had just got his driver's license and asked his dad if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "If you bring your grades up from C to B, study your Bible and get your hair cut ... then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You've brought your grades up and I've been watching you studying your Bible. However, I'm a bit disappointed that you haven't had your hair cut."

The lad paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's a strong argument that Jesus had long hair too."

To which his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

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WORDS OF WISDOM

When you're over 50 you can still do all the things you did when you were 17 — if you don't mind making an idiot of yourself.

INSTANT PROOF

Yesterday I went to the optician's, walked up to the counter and said to the guy on duty, "I think my eyes are going." He said, "They've gone, mate - this is Burger King."

GULL-IBLE

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

POLE-ISH

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?" "Nein, I am German," the man replied. "But how did you know my name ist Walter?"

THE BOSS

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He walked up to the guy learning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

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Married Humor

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."
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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever .
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child.”