Funnies for 7/6/2007

No Novocaine

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want novocaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."

The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"

The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

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Hearing Aid Funny

Helen and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.

Surprised, little Lorraine looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"

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Car Sale

Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles.

One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "if only I can sell the car."

"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles.
Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

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Chocolate Ice Cream

A man approached an ice cream van and said, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please." The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate." "In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream." "You don't understand, sir," the girl said. "We have no chocolate." "Then just give me some chocolate," he insisted.

Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla'?" The man spelled, "V-A-N."

"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'" "OK. 'S-T-R-A-W.'"

"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in 'chocolate.'" The man hesitated and then looked confused as he replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screamed.

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, " There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"(you're gonna love this)The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

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A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.

I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to send this on to you. Well, I figured I had nothing Toulouse…