Valentine’s Day
A fellow decided to buy his girl some perfume for
Valentine's day, so he went to the cosmetic counter in his girl's favorite
store. The prices were horrific! No matter what the sales lady showed him, even
the tiniest bottles were beyond his budget.
Finally, he asked her: "Can you show me something really
cheap?" She handed him a mirror.
Do You Love Me?
"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Vickie on Valentine's Day. "Mmm hmm," replied Wendell. "Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?" "Mmm hmm." "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?" "Mmm hmm." "Oh Wendell," gushed Vickie, "you say the most beautiful things!"
"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Vickie on Valentine's Day. "Mmm hmm," replied Wendell. "Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?" "Mmm hmm." "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?" "Mmm hmm." "Oh Wendell," gushed Vickie, "you say the most beautiful things!"
The Gift
Johnny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife a gift for Valentine's Day. "Yes, I bought her a belt and a bag," replied Tony. "That was very kind of you," Johnny added, "I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Johnny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife a gift for Valentine's Day. "Yes, I bought her a belt and a bag," replied Tony. "That was very kind of you," Johnny added, "I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Bad Excuses Why Men Forgot A Gift On Valentine’s
Day
~ The florist couldn't find your house. Did you move?
~ I sent a candy-gram. Someone must have eaten it.
~ The Hallmark store was closed, and I didn't want to
send less than the very best.
~ I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? Google must
have messed up again!
~ I didn't know you liked jewelry.
~ I thought we would do something different this year.
~ You didn't remind me.
Its Got To Be Love
An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was
much impressed by how harmonious and how in love they seemed. They always held
hands all through the service. One day
after church, the pastor couldn't resist going up to them to express his
admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love
you are, even, after all these years, holding hands like that." The wife looked up sharply and said,
"It's not love, Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his
knuckles."
Who would have thought...
...that when you wished your kids didn't need you so much, you would someday wish that they did?
...that when there wasn't enough time in the day, you might someday wonder how to fill your free time?
...that when you couldn't wait to get your driver's license, you would someday try to decide when to give it up?
...that you would finally have more than enough stuff?
...that grandchildren grow even faster than children?
...that when people told you to enjoy your (time, education, job, kids, friends, health, spouse, etc.), you would someday realize why?
...that some people are grateful no matter what, and some are ungrateful no matter what?
...that when you struggled to make ends meet, they finally would?
...that each day can be a blessing and a chance to be a blessing to others?
...that a smile, a touch and a listening ear are worth more than expensive presents?
...that there's always something new to learn?
...that you would never get tired of watching a sunset, a rainbow, or a baby's first steps?
...that the best things in life really ARE free?
Wisdom
Education is what you get when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
College Funds
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money. Mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded the kid. So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she got back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mom said, "Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000" "That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry Hon," Mom said, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his calculus book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19."
...that when you wished your kids didn't need you so much, you would someday wish that they did?
...that when there wasn't enough time in the day, you might someday wonder how to fill your free time?
...that when you couldn't wait to get your driver's license, you would someday try to decide when to give it up?
...that you would finally have more than enough stuff?
...that grandchildren grow even faster than children?
...that when people told you to enjoy your (time, education, job, kids, friends, health, spouse, etc.), you would someday realize why?
...that some people are grateful no matter what, and some are ungrateful no matter what?
...that when you struggled to make ends meet, they finally would?
...that each day can be a blessing and a chance to be a blessing to others?
...that a smile, a touch and a listening ear are worth more than expensive presents?
...that there's always something new to learn?
...that you would never get tired of watching a sunset, a rainbow, or a baby's first steps?
...that the best things in life really ARE free?
Wisdom
Education is what you get when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
College Funds
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money. Mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded the kid. So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she got back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mom said, "Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000" "That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry Hon," Mom said, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his calculus book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19."
Meet The Parents
One night, a daughter brought her boyfriend home to meet
her parents. Upon first sight, the parents were astounded and appalled by his
appearance - leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and a pierced nose (and
tongue they found out later at dinner). At
a discreet time, the parents pulled their daughter aside and diplomatically
told Candi, "We are not sure about him, he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh
please, Mom," replied the blonde daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why
would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
The Farmer's Wagon
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon, loaded with
corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Jon!!" the farmer yelled.
"Forget your troubles. Come into the house with me and the Mrs, and have a
bite to eat. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you, "Jon
answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally
agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his
host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real
upset." "Don't be
foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is
he?" "Under the wagon."
Today’s Thought
Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me:
"I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."
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