Grandmother
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and
she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how
a patient is doing?" The operator
responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room
number?" The grandmother in her
weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you
on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good
news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure
is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen,
has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's
wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than
welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The
grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me
anything."
Ancient Pages
A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he
looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one. He
was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and
looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed
between the pages of the Bible long ago. "Momma, look what I found!"
the boy called out. "What do you have there?" his mother asked. With
astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear!"
Logic
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in
logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is
standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance,
falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the
commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she
ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To
withdraw all his money from his savings account?"
Husbands and Wives
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, " Yes, dear, but I was in love, and didn't
notice."
---
A lady placed an ad in the classifieds: "Husband
wanted." The next day she received
a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing: "You can have mine."
---
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and
said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want
from me, sympathy?"
---
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better
revenge, than to let her keep him.
---
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
---
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "Don't know son, I'm
still paying."
---
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country,
son."
---
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was, until I got married ... and then it was too late."
---
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire," "And what was he
before you married him?", asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."
---
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life, thinking they had no faults at all.
---
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday,
is to forget it once.
Offering
A little child in church for the first time watched as
the ushers passed the offering plates. When
they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could
hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."
Avid Hunter
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up
raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to
get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting
there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake
asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations about
this, reluctantly decides to take her along.
Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San
Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife
safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take
careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face
knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he
hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears
Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!" Confused and frightened Jake races faster
towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my
deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his
wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says,
"Okay, lady! You can have your stinking deer! Just let me get my saddle
off it!"
Creation
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he
read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the
book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her
own cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make
you?" "Yes, sweetheart,"
he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa,
did God make me too?" "Yes,
indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she
observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
Today’s Thought
Notice: Spelling mistakes are left in for people who need
to correct others to make their life fulfilled.
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