Black Friday
A day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic
things just a day after celebrating what they're already thankful for.
One day you're thankful for everything you have then the next
day you're fighting over TVs & stuff on sale Black Friday.
Black Friday = The Day People Spend Money They Don't Have
On Things They Don't Need.
It's Black Friday and the mall is packed with shoppers
and Steve can't find his wife. Steve goes up to a very attractive woman and
says 'Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is
here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of
minutes?" The attractive woman replies "Why?" Steve replies
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out
of thin air."
A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new
corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign
which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor
opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign,
reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES. The small business owner panicked, until he
got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN
ENTRANCE.
What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey
have in common? They know what it's like to be jammed into a small place and
stuffed!
How can you tell which one of your friends got a good
Black Friday deal? Don't worry they'll let you know.
What flies faster than items off the rack on Black
Friday? Credit card payment slips!
Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday? They are
thankful they survived Thanksgiving's feast.
Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black
Friday"? It matches the mood of all those unhappy bloated shoppers.
What I've Learned
During their 50th anniversary wedding celebration at a banquet in their honor, my dad was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long. My father stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused. "And?" someone cried out from the back of the room. "...and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" my father exclaimed. The room erupted in laughter.
So That's How It Works
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?" "To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture. A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
New Surgical Techniques
A family was on its way to the hospital where the 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation, he said, "They're going to give you a phone."
Truths
During their 50th anniversary wedding celebration at a banquet in their honor, my dad was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long. My father stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused. "And?" someone cried out from the back of the room. "...and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" my father exclaimed. The room erupted in laughter.
So That's How It Works
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?" "To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture. A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
New Surgical Techniques
A family was on its way to the hospital where the 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation, he said, "They're going to give you a phone."
Truths
·
Some minds are like
concrete — all mixed up and permanently set.
·
Some people are wise.
Some are otherwise.
·
The advantage of
exercising every day is that you die healthier.
·
The only difference
between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road you put the
stuff.
The Soup
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
To which the customer replied triumphantly, "Ah ha!!"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
To which the customer replied triumphantly, "Ah ha!!"
Home Schooling
Q: How does a home schooler change a light bulb?
A: First, mom checks out three books at the library on electricity,
then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and
do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting
methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a
trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and
figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay
with a five-dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the
history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar
bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from
the woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light.
Today’s Thought
If I can lose just 20 pounds, I'll be down to the weight
I never thought I'd be up to.
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