Church Football Terminology
In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some
churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar
football phrases:
BENCHWARMER - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do
anything but sit.
BLITZ: The strategic play that takes place two seconds
after every benediction.
BLOCKING: Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church
door and keeping everyone else from exiting.
DRAFT CHOICE: The decision to sit close to an air
conditioning vent.
DRAW PLAY: What many children (and not a few adults) do
with their bulletins during the service.
FIRST QUARTER: What most people put into the Sunday
school offering so it looks like they are giving.
HALFBACK OPTION - The decision of 50% of the congregation
not to return for the evening service.
HALFTIME - The period between Sunday school and worship
when many choose to leave.
ILLEGAL MOTION: Leaving before the benediction.
INTERFERENCE: Talking during the organ prelude.
INSTANT REPLAY - The preacher loses his notes and falls
back on last week's illustrations.
PASS INTERFERENCE: A parent moving between two teens in the pew
to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon.
QUARTERBACK SNEAK: How the pastor gets from the pulpit to
the rear door during the benediction.
STAYING IN THE POCKET - What happens to a lot of money
that should be given to the Lord's work.
SUDDEN DEATH: The penalty to the pastor who preaches more
than 25 minutes.
TACKLE: Asking that "new couple" to sing in the
choir, work in the nursery, serve on a committee, join a Bible study, and teach
the middle schoolers before they get away.
TIME-OUT: Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall.
TRAP - You're called on to pray and are asleep.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING - The point at which you realize the
sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT: Usually takes place at a
committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.
Football FINALLY makes sense..........
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football
game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he
asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh,
I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big
muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date
asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they
flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they
kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback!
Get the quarterback!' I'm like...
Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!
New NFL Sponsors
The National Football League found themselves some new
sponsors this year -- some individuals, others whole associations. These are
the people and groups that have stepped up to the plate:
Edgar Allan Poe - Baltimore Ravens
Bureau of Engraving and Printing - Buffalo Bills
Travel Agents/Moving Companies - Green Bay Packers
Gunsmiths - Indianapolis Colts
Jack - New York Giants & Tennessee Titans
Clergy - New Orleans Saints
Paul Revere - New England Patriots
Airline Industry - New York Jets
Thieves - Pittsburg Steelers
Shopaholics - San Diego Chargers
Tanning Salon - Washington Redskins
Super Bowl
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his
seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always
dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where
he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next
to it whether anyone is sitting there. The
guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man,
"why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the
funeral."
Today’s Thought
Football is not a contact sport; it is a collision
sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
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