Friday's Funnies

Women in a Gym

New to town, I was eager to meet people and make friends.  So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."  After a slightly uncomfortable silence, she replied, "And that's my husband--the fat one."

Binary joke

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't get this joke.

Where's Mommy?

One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did Mommy go?"  In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."  This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Daddy?" The man had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.  "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."  He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.  Then he burst out into laughter and said, "Come on, Dad!  What is it really?"

More Church Bulletin Bloopers

The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse.

Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night.

The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished.

The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning.

Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp.

We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.

Winter Classes for Men at the “Learning Center for Adults”

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1 - How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 - The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?  Round Table Discussion.  Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 - Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?  Group Practice.  Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4  - Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor.  Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.  Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 - After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?  Examples on Video.  Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 - Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.  Help Line Support and Support Groups.  Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 - Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places & Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.  Open Forum .  Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 - Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.  Graphics and Audio Tapes.   Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 - Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.  Real Life Testimonials.  Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10  - Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?  Driving Simulations.  4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 - Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.  Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 - How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.  Relaxation Exercises, Prayer and Breathing Techniques.  Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 - How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates & Calling When You're Going To Be Late.  Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.  Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 - The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.  Live Demonstration.  Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Today’s Thought

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.