Friday's Funnies

 St. Patrick's Day Groaners

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

A: Real rocks are too heavy.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter.

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they're green with envy.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame.

Settling An Argument

Two friends were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally, they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the guys said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are." The cashier leaned over the counter and said, "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg."

 

Abstract Noun

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it.  Can you give me an example of one?"  "Sure," a teenage boy replied.  "My father's new car."

 

New Words for Educators

Acadormant - Students who have stopped making any academic progress.

Bookstache - The facial hair added by students to every portrait in the American history textbook.

Colate - Two students who arrive tardy to class at the same time.

Corroborative learning - When all the students in a class agree to stick to the same excuse for why their work is not done.

Digital disorganizers - Fascinating electronic organizers that distract students from paying attention to assignments, instructions, and due dates.

E-fail - Electronically sent failure notices.

Erasivot - The divot that you get in your paper if you erase too hard.

Fontics - Literacy training through the use of wacky computer type fonts.

Handoubt - To wonder if the students even looked at the important papers you just passed them.

Hydropendant - Student who requests permission to get a drink of water every ten minutes.

McDone - Students unable to participate in the afternoon's learning activities because they consumed large amounts of fast food for lunch.

Meview - A class review of material in which the only one really reviewing is the teacher.

Powerpointless - A wonderfully executed, high tech presentation completely devoid of meaningful content.

Repedementia - Repeatedly telling the same joke to the same class because you can't remember which of your classes you've told it to.

Signotsure - The signature that comes back on a mid term report that looks more like the student's than the parent's.

Strobed - Feeling you have after spending all day in a classroom with florescent lights that do that flicker thing.

Teacherscreen - The student who stands in front of you to purposefully block your view of the rest of the class as he asks you a question.

Telesubbies - Substitute teachers who only show videos.

Torigami - Assignment papers folded and unfolded so many times that they are turned in as sixteen separate pieces.

Wired classroom - Any classroom in which the teacher has had more than five cups of coffee and each student has had more than two cans of Mountain Dew.

 

IKEA

Just saw where the CEO of IKEA was elected President of Sweden. It’s the first time a president ever needed an allen wrench to assemble his cabinet.

 

Dad Joke

Are you sweating while putting gas in your car and feeling sick when paying for it?  Then you have got the carownervirus!

 

Today’s Thought

I want time to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.