Top 10 Innovations Being Developed For 2021
10. Gluten-Free Face Masks
9. Chia Personal Bubble
8. Body-Scrubbing Drone
7. Socially-Distanced Murder Hornets
6. Morgan Freeman's Voice Modulator for all Politicians
5. Zoom's Electric Shock 'Reminder' that You're still on Mute
4. Retro pull-start TV remote
3. Pfizer's Zombie Vaccine
2. Tween Yoda
1. New game show, "Wheel of Fauci"
New Year's Puns
-
What is corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ears Eve.
-
What's a cows favorite holiday?
Moo Year's Eve
-
They say New York City has the
best New Year's celebration, but I say it's overrated. Every year they drop the
ball.
-
Some astronauts wanted to have a
New Year's party on the moon, but they didn't planet in time.
-
What do farmers grow on January 1?
New Year's Hay.
-
Why do you need a jeweler on
December 31? To ring in the New Year.
-
What does the little Champagne
bottle call his father? Pop!
New Year's One-Liners
-
My New Year's resolution was to
read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
-
I'm going to stay up late this New
Year's Eve—not to ring in the New Year, but to make sure this one leaves.
-
Not to brag, but I already have a
date for New Year's Eve—it's December 31.
-
At the beginning of the year, I
made a resolution to lose 15 pounds. Only 20 more to go!
-
I'm not buying a 2021 calendar
until I see the trailer.
-
We can't let this year end: That
would be admitting that 2021.
New Year's Jokes for Kids
-
Where do you go to do your math
homework on New Year's Eve? Times Square
-
What did the ghost say on January
1? "Happy Boo Year"
-
Why did the man sprinkle sugar on
his pillow on New Year's Eve? He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
-
What was the caterpillar's New
Year's resolution? To turn over a new leaf.
-
What do dogs say on New Year's
Eve? Woof.
-
What did the friends say to each
other at midnight on New Year’s Eve? "I haven’t seen you since last
year!"
What Not To Do This New Year!
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could
zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up
old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4
seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So,
for her birthday, he bought her a brand-new bathroom scale.
Taste Test
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before
opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in
the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked,
"A bottle of wine?" His
employees replied, "No." Again,
he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of
scotch?" "His employees
replied again, "No." Finally,
the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?" His workers responded, "A puppy."
Word Definitions
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both
ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are
born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes
hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in
conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging
the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies
better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a
time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped
off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor-saving devices
of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. I
have character lines.
Today’s Thought
New Year's resolutions are a to-do list for the first week of
January.
No comments:
Post a Comment