Friday, March 29, 2019

Friday's Funnies

The Candy Game

1. Another planet in our solar system:
2. A famous street in New York City:
3. A part of the galaxy:
4. A series of small hills:
5. A nutty happiness:
6. Worker bees make this:
7. A town in Pennsylvania:
8. A famous English author:
9. A "Peanuts" character:
10. Sly laughter:
11. Twin letters:
12. An infant of a famous baseball player:
13. Absolutely nothing:
14. An endurance race:
15. Greasy digits:
16. A day employees are glad to see:
17. A famous trio:
18. A large orchestra:
19. Happy laughter:
20. A little overweight:
21. A thing-a-ma-jig:
22. Noise at a car wreck:
23. What a married couple does:
24. What good friends give:
25. Disintegrating celestial body:
26. Fox baby and common feline:
27. The Trinity:

Answers below...

Sleeping Issues

This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help.  That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm!  He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.  "Boss", he said. "The pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"  "That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"

Doctor’s reaction

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new hospital wing at the hospital. What was their reaction?

 The allergists voted to scratch it.
 The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
 The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
 The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
 The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.
 The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
 The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.
 The pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
 The pediatricians said, "Grow up."
 The proctologists said, "We are in arrears."
 The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
 The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
 The radiologists could see right through it.
 The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.
 The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
 The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.
 The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
 The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

Golf Friendless

"Bob, why don't you play golf with John anymore?" asked a friend.  "Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren't watching?" Bob asked.  "Well, no," admitted the friend. 
"Neither will John," replied Bob.

Not So Bright Kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This kid is not so bright. Watch while I prove it to you."  The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"  The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.  "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"  Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store and says, "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"  The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

The Candy Game Answers

1. Another planet in our solar system: Mars 2. A famous street in New York City: 5th Avenue 3. A part of the galaxy: Milky Way 4. A series of small hills: Mounds 5. A nutty happiness: Almond Joy 6. Worker bees make this: Bit-O-Honey 7. A town in Pennsylvania: Hershey 8. A famous English author: O Henry 9. A "Peanuts" character: Peppermint Patty 10. Sly laughter: Snickers 11. Twin letters: M & M's 12. An infant of a famous baseball player: Baby Ruth 13. Absolutely nothing: Zero 14. An endurance race: Marathon 15. Greasy digits: Butterfinger 16. A day employees are glad to see: Payday 17. A famous trio: 3 Musketeers 18. A large orchestra: Symphony 19. Happy laughter: Chuckles 20. A little overweight: Chunkie 21. A thing-a-ma-jig: Watchamacallit 22. Noise at a car wreck: Crunch 23. What a married couple does: Kisses 24. What good friends give: Hugs 25. Disintegrating celestial body: Starburst 26. Fox baby and common feline: Kit Kat 27. The Trinity: Lifesavers

Today’s Thought

What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."


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