Friday's Funnies

Searching For A Snack

The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.  Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago."  "I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered my standards."

Priorities

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember -- run to Dad first, then the dog."

From The Heart

As my five year old son and I were headed out for some fast food one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

Smart Dog

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."  Her husband replied "Well, lots of dogs can do that."  The wife responded, " But we've never subscribed to any papers!"

Actual Call Center Conversations

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?'

Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

Directory Inquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

 Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer: 'OK..'

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click' .'

Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.

So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

Near Death Experience

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.  While on the operating table she had a near death experience.  Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."  Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.  After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.  Arriving in front of God (again), she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years. Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"  God replied, "Sorry about that, I just didn't recognize you!"

Checking Account

Jim's beautiful, blonde wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account.  "The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," he said.  "Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else."

Today’s Thought

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn't matter.