Friday's Funnies

Easter

One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"  "I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "Pantyhose!"

You Know You're Too Intense When...

~ You can achieve a "runner's high" by sitting up.

~ You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

~ The sun is SO loud.

~ You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

~ You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

~ You can hear mimes.

~ You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

~ You ask the drive-through attendant if you can get your order to go.

~ You and Reality file for divorce.

~ You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

~ You can skip without a rope.

~ You can travel without moving.

~ Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. 

~ You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before...

Easter jokes

Why did the Easter egg hide?

He was a little chicken!

How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?

Only one – after that it’s not empty anymore!

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?

It might crack up!

How does Easter end?

With the letter R!

How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?

He said it was eggs-cellent!

What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?

A funny bunny!

What’s the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

Hare mail!

How does the Easter Bunny travel?

By hare plane!

How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush!

How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?

With a hare-dryer!

How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?

With hare spray!

Why did the bunny go to the dance?

To do the bunny hop!

What kinds of books do bunnies like?

Ones with hoppy endings!

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?

Because it has four rabbit’s feet!

Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?

He was having a bad hare day!

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after!

What do you call a dumb bunny?

A hare brain!

Jelly Belly’s

My pastor and his extended family were playing the game Jelly Belly's Bean Boozled at a holiday gathering. (In the game you spin and it lands on a jellybean color with two possible flavors - one good and one bad. For instance, black could be licorice or skunk spray. You have to eat it without knowing which it will be.)

During the game his 8-year-old grandson spun the color for pear or boogers. The grandson was a bit skittish about eating the jellybean. His father leaned over to him and whispered, "Son, it shouldn't be bad. You eat your boogers all the time."

To which his son promptly replied, "Yeah Dad, but I hate pears."

Today’s Thought

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.