Friday's Funnies

 

Sick Days

My boss said, "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays." I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."

Proud Father

A proud father never tired of telling how smart his son Arthur was. "Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it until he was fifty!"

Short Ones

·         When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

·         The skinny woman selling ice cream apologized, "Sorry for your weight."

·         If vegetarians eat vegetables, then you really have to watch out for humanitarians.

·         You can make 7 even, by removing the 's'.
You can make 6 odd, by removing the 's'.
I for one like Roman Numerals.

Thank you

Our neighbors gave us a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that we had to throw it away.  Ever gracious and tactful, my wife sent the neighbors a note. It read: "Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn't last very long in our house."

Making A Horse

A little boy was visiting a Historic Village with his mom. "Mommy, Mommy!" he cried, "I just saw a man making a horse!"  "Are you sure?" asked his mother.  "Yes," said the tot. "He had a horse nearly finished. When I saw him, he was just nailing on the feet."

A Perfect Blend

A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says, "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, "But, sir, it's fresh ground!"

Turtle Books

I went into a store to buy some books about turtles. "Hardbacks?" asked the shopkeeper. "Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too."

One-liners

• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!"
• I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
• Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested?  He was charged with battery.
• They say I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime I want.
• What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud!
• I think my wife has been putting superglue on my water gun collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
• Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now on I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
• Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food.

Pay Mistakes

One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less than the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. "How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn't say anything when you were overpaid?" Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook one mistake, but not two in a row!"

Seen This?

I had trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead and asked my husband, "Oh no, have you seen this?" "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

Why

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

Empty Envelope

Me to the postal carrier: This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte.

Postal carrier: Now why would she send you an empty envelope?

Me: We had an argument, and she's not talking to me.

Dad Joke

What is Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1.

Today’s Thought

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

 

Friday's Funnies

 

St. Patrick’s Day

• What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock!
• Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaf clover? You might press your luck!
• Why do we wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Because real rocks are too heavy.
• What kind of music should you listen to on St. Patrick’s Day? Sham-rock and roll.
• Where can you always find a shamrock? In the dictionary.
• What did one shamrock say to the other when it saw a leprechaun? Look clover there.
• What do you say if you lose a game on St. Patrick’s Day? Game clover.
• What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patrick’s Day? You’re very clover!
• What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? That you have too much time on your hands!
• What's an Irish jig at McDonald's called? A Shamrock Shake.

 

Doctor Visit

Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health.  "Sam, you're in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I'm not a magician - I can't make you any younger," says the doctor.  "Who asked you to make me younger?" says Sam. "You just make sure I get older!"

 

Random One Liners

• How do groups of angels greet each other?  Halo, halo, halo.
• Who was the best business woman in the bible?  Pharaoh's Daughter.  She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
• What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden?  Your mother ate us out of house and home!
• Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?  Samson, he brought the house down.
• Does anyone need an Ark built?  Because I Noah guy.
• How long did Cain hate his brother?  As long as he was Abel.
• Who was the first tennis player in the Bible?  Joseph, because he served in Pharaoh's court.
• Where was Solomon's temple located?  On the side of his head.
• Who is the greatest babysitter in the Bible?  David, he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

 

Sports Jokes

What do you get if you cross a karate expert with a pig? A pork chop.

FOOTBALL PLAYER: Coach, my doctor says I can't play football anymore.
COACH: You didn't need to go to a doctor I could have told you that.

What should a runner eat before a race?
Ketchup

REPORTER: How long have you been running for?
TRACK STAR: Since I was eight years old.
REPORTER: Gee, you must be tired.

What do you get if you cross a karate expert with a tree?
Spruce Lee

GAME WARDEN: Didn't you see the sign? "It says no fishing."
BOY: I'm not fishing I'm teaching my worms how to swim.

FIRST BOY: Wow it's a run-home.
SECOND BOY: You mean a home-run.
FIRST BOY: No I mean a run-home. You just hit a ball through the neighbor's window.

LITTLE LEAGUER: Dad, what does a pitcher do when he starts to lose his eyesight?
DAD: He gets a job as an umpire.

 

Instilling Good Morals

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her two young sons--a five year-old and a three year-old. They were arguing over who would get the first pancake.  The mother, trying to instill good morals in her sons, asked them to remember What Would Jesus Do. She said that Jesus would say: "Let my brother have the first pancake."  The 5-yr-old quickly turned to the 3-yr-old and said, "You play Jesus."

 

Interview

 

Interviewer: You're asking for a pretty high salary for someone without any experience.

Interviewee: Well, this job is going to be super hard since I don't know what I'm doing.

 

Dad Joke

 

Apparently, you can't use ‘beefstew' as a password. It's not stroganoff.

 

Today’s Thought

 

The scary part is, someday these are going to be referred to as the good old days.

Friday's Funnies

 

Quarantine Jokes

 

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?

I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.

 

What kind of joke do you tell during quarantine?

An inside joke.

 

The barista at Starbucks was wearing a face mask.

Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?

She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.

 

The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.  It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.

 

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time,

this quarantine I discovered that wasn't the reason.

 

Interview

 

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replied, "In the region of $250,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

 

Math Question

 

A 6th grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand and with complete sincerity in his voice, answered, "A lawyer!"

 

Getting Old

 

One minute you're young and fun. The next you're turning down the stereo in the car so you can see better.

 

Laws

 

You've heard of Murphy's famous law that everything that can go wrong will go wrong? There are many other related laws. Here are a few:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. --Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair

Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner. --Anthony's Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. --Tussman's Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. --Lowery's Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem. --Peer's Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. --William's Law

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's Biology.
2. If it stinks, it's Chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's Physics.

Machines should work. People should think. --IBM's Pollyanna Principle

The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage - management. --The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. --Ehrlich's Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. --Ralph's Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. --Cannon's Comment

Thinly sliced cabbage. --Cole's Law

Deserted Island

 

Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?" "I have no idea," the Captain replied, "but every year when we pass by here he goes crazy."

 

Insomnia

 

A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia. "Have you tried counting sheep?" suggested the doctor. "It doesn't work," replied the boxer. "Whenever I get to nine, I stand up!"

 

Dad Joke

 

What did the baby bird say when he saw an orange in his nest?  Look at the orange mama laid!

 

Today’s Thought

 

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

Friday's Funnies

 

Productivity

Because of his ongoing ability to increase office productivity, the "Employee of the Month" award again goes to Mr. Coffee.

Thoughts Sought

In a public restroom, I saw a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink. So I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match.

Verbose Vermin

A mother mouse and her daughter were suddenly attacked by a cat! The mother mouse yelled, "Woof! Arf! Bark!" The cat immediately ran away in terror. The mother mouse looked to her daughter. "See," she said. "It's important to know a foreign language!"

Cold Comfort

My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is. I replied back: "Sure, my door is always open."

 

Look Out

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.  When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."

 

Daddy Said

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear?" she asked. The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."

 

Parking Meter

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"

 

Random Jokes

I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but the staff at the bed warehouse were so insistent.

 

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.

 

I went to the store to buy some candleholders, but they didn't have any, so I bought a cake.

 

What do you get when you wake up and realize you ran out of coffee?  A depresso.

 

Where do fish sleep? In the RiverBed.

 

Clapping is giving yourself a high-five for someone else's hard work.

 

Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.

 

A police report said all the lamps were stolen from a house. When asked, the homeowner said he was delighted.

 

Why is that?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 

Dad Joke

Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?

 

Today’s Thought

So many people these days are judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Friday's Funnies

 To Tell The Tooth

 

Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, "I'm sorry about not speaking more clearly. I've been to the dentist."  "You should have used the drive-through," she said. "Why?" "Everyone who goes through sounds like you."

 

Observational Humor

 

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head on my lap.  I carefully removed his glasses.  "You know Honey," I said sweetly, "without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."  "Honey," he replied with a grin, "without my glasses, you still look pretty good too."

 

Sugar-Coated Advice

 

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.  "I only eat Skittles candy," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow ones for lunch, orange for afternoon snacks, and purple for dinner."  "I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

 

Green Thumb

 

Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs.  My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation.  "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager.  "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?"  "Autumn," he replied

 

The Fisherman

After fishing for walleye all day and not getting so much as a bite, the fisherman gave up. On the way home he stopped at a fish market and asked the proprietor to throw him six of the biggest fish he had. "Throw them? Why?" asked the proprietor. "Because I'm going to catch them. I may be a lousy fisherman, but I'm not a liar."

 

Two Liners

 

I heard that by law you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.
How am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?

If you cry when you cut an onion, here's a tip:
Don't get emotionally attached.

95% of people are completely STUPID!
Luckily, I'm in the other 10%.

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now.
New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey.

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub and a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.

Saying Grace

 

A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals.  One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, "Jerry, what does your father say when the family sits down to dinner?"  Jerry answered, "Dad says 'Go easy on the butter, kids - it's three bucks a pound!'"

 

Tip

 

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr. Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"  "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."  "Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."  "What are you studying in school?" asked Mr. Smith.  The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

 

A Matter Of Perspective

 

College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!"
Father: "Really?  What's the good news?"
College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?"
Father: "I certainly do."
College student: "Well, you get to keep it."

University Basketball

 

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded better recruits. "These athletes you're sending me aren't the brightest," the coach blustered. "Just look." He stepped into the hall and grabbed a team member who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Ten minutes later the athlete returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. The university president scratched his head. "I see what you mean," conceded the president, "I would have phoned."

 

Dad Joke

 

Once upon a time, there a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but made a great ruler.

 

Today’s Thought

 

Dogs must think their masters are hypocrites for constantly using the restroom in the house.

 

Friday's Funnies

 Lost

 

Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"  "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."

 

In-laws

 

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

 

Flowers

 

A man stops by his local florist shop to buy flowers for his new girlfriend for Valentine's Day. He asks the proprietor, "You know the expression, 'You should say it with flowers'?"  "How about three dozen of my finest roses?" the florist asks.  "Make it a half dozen roses," the man answers. "I'm a man of few words."

 

Excuses

 

TEACHER: Why didn't you study?

 

STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that are way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day - 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days...you're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That's why I did not study.

 

Teacher: Class dismissed.

 

Q&A

 

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
Q. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A. No, they had an apple!
Q. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?
A. "I found the perfect match!"
Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pin cushion!
Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.
Q. Do you have a date for Valentine's day?
A. Yes, February 14th.

Unexpected Blessings

Four expectant fathers were in a Minnesota hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."  "What a coincidence!" the man exclaims. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"  The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."  "Wow, what a coincidence!" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation."  When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.  "Another coincidence!" he tells her. "I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"  At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask him what was wrong. He moans, "I work for Seven-Eleven!"

Puntastic

 

·         What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?  It gets toad away.

·         If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while.  They're usually 90 degrees.

·         What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?  "Put it on my bill."

·         What's the best thing about Switzerland?  I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

·         What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?  One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

·         I took part in the suntanning Olympics, but I only got bronze.

·         Not only is my new thesaurus terrible, it's also terrible.

·         I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

·         The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.

 

Beauty

 

A couple is watching the news.  They hear that a beautiful actress is marrying an athlete who's famous for his lack of IQ and common sense.

Husband: "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives!"

Wife: "Why thank you, dear!"

 

Happy Birthday

 

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then they were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!

 

Dad Joke

 

Good news! The Lego Store has reopened! People are lined up for blocks!!

 

Today’s Thought

 

People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.

Friday's Funnies

 

Healthy Eating

 

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.  "I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."  "I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

 

Need A Vacation

 

A friend of mine bought his wife a world map and gave her a dart and said, throw this, and wherever it lands--that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends. It turns out that they will be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

 

Puns For The Kid In Us

- Why was the cookie so unhappy?  Because his mother was a wafer so long.

- Why did the waiter fall over?  He was tipped.

- Why did the ocean refuse her boyfriend's marriage proposal?  She didn't want to be tide down. (Cynthia MacGregor)

- Define "Pharmacist": A helper on the farm.

- Use "Lettuce" in a sentence: This New Year's eve LETTUCE celebrate together.

- Headline: Defendant's Speech Ends In Long Sentence

- Book Title: "Why I Was Sent To Prison" by Robin Banks

- The blind man picked up a hammer and saw!

- If you drop a piano down a mine shaft, you'll get A flat minor.

- Whether it's a pancake or a baseball team, the secret is to start with a good batter.

Playing Doctor

 

The seven-year-old told her mom that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor.

"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

Revenge

 

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."  He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

 

It's Not A Cat, It’s …

A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
A wildlife control expert impersonator.
An un-programmable animal.
A four footed allergen.
A hair relocation expert.
A treat-seeking missile.
A lap-warmer with a built-in buzzer.
A small, furry lap fungus.

Animal Superbowl

 

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Blond Joke

 

A blond driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. The blond remembered what Dad had said: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."  Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it, for about forty-five minutes.  Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked what happened. The blond explained what Dad said.  The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot. Do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

 

Dad Joke

 

I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today. His mom got really angry.

 

Today’s Thought

 

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.