Things Change
If you had told me back in the 1970s that the people sitting in church were "spaced out," I would have worried.
Ponderings
3. Do twins ever realize that at least one of them is unplanned?
4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"
8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Six Great Confusions Still Unresolved
1. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
Vagaries Of English Language
1. Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
2. Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?
3. How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
4. If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
5. If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
6. How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
7. Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
8. Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
9. Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of
the patients?
10. Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?
11. How come Noses run and Feet smell?
12. Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?
13. What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?
Diet
I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
They Know
The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After
watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard
drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and
explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We
can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the
problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send
someone over right away."
Complain Away
Actual Complaints Received By Thomas Cook Vacations From Dissatisfied
Customers:
"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
"We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
"The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to siesta in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during siesta time. This should be banned."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
"Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
"When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
"I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
Kidnapper
"We have your son," said the kidnapper. "I don't have a son," says the woman. "Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?" "Oh no, you have my husband."
Today’s Thought
One way to find out if you're old is to fall in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic and start running toward you, you're old.
No comments:
Post a Comment