Friday's Funnies

Black Friday

A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES. The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.

Black Friday One Liners

Black Friday: A day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic things just a day after celebrating what they're already thankful for.

Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year

Black Friday is so hypocritical - one day you're thankful for everything you have then the next day you're fighting over TVs & stuff on sale

I'll be celebrating Black Friday in my traditional way.... by completely ignoring it.

Black Friday = Broke Saturday

Probable Headline: "1000 Americans killed trying to get Twinkies on Black Friday."

Ways Thanksgiving Might Have Gone Down During Biblical Times

5. Terrible chariot jams on the way to Grandma's house

4. You think 4 days of turkey leftovers get old? Imagine roasting a camel!

3. Ahkmed seltzer, helping heartburn sufferers for 3 score and 7 years

2. Men bonding after dinner while watching rip roaring gladiator games on TV

1. Women suddenly having the urge to go to the Jerusalem marketplace the next day

Lonely Steve

It's Black Friday and the mall is packed with shoppers and Steve can't find his wife. Steve goes up to a very attractive woman and says 'Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The attractive woman replies "Why?" Steve replies "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."

Black Friday Q & A

5. Q: Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday"?

A: It matches the mood of all those unhappy shoppers.

4. Q: Why do shoppers feel like cranberry juice on Black Friday?

A: They get bruised and battered by other people until they get squeezed at the cashier.

3. Q: What's the similarity people feel with Black Friday and the Thanksgiving turkey feast?

A: They know what it's like to be jammed into a small place like stuffing!

2. Q: What do people eat on Black Friday?

A: Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday.

... and the #1 funny Black Friday joke is:

1. Q: What's the best part about Black Friday?

A: Resting on Saturday.

Funny signs

Outside a muffler shop:  “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

At a Towing Company:  “We don’t want an arm and a leg. We want your tows.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:  “Invite us to your next blowout.”

Sign in Service Station:
If your car sounds like:
“ping-click-ping” – $10.00
“click-whine-click” – $25.00
“clunk-whine-clunk” – $50.00
“thud-clunk-thud” – $100.00
“clang-thud-clang” – $300.00
“Can’t describe it” – $500.00

Women drivers

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a red Mustang doing 85 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!  I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.  It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!

Turkey Poem (Author Unknown)

I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I'm stuffed up with muffins and much too much stuffin'
I'm probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!

I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,

But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!