Workout
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
Remember
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, a lady was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. She couldn't help but laugh as she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember...after we land, run to Dad first, then the dog."
Anger Management
I don't need anger management. I just need people to stop making me mad.
10. Hot dogs with just a hint of Tabasco.
9. "Kids eat free" night at the steak house.
8. Pizza.
7. Broiled bologna benedict on rye.
6. Back-of-the-fridge goulash (with lots of pepper).
5. Chips and salsa.
4. Cocoa Puff surprise.
3. Something old, something blue, something frozen, call it stew.
2. Cold pizza.
1. Whatever's cooking at Grandma's.
So There’s That
I don't know how to use Tik Tok, but I can write in cursive, do long
division, and tell time with clocks that have hands. So, there's that.
Exercise
Exercise works best early in the morning before your brain figures out what you're doing.
So True
-
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip
over putting on my underwear.
-
I hate it when I see an old person and then
realize we went to high school together.
-
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't
listen and something else...
-
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my
left eye.
-
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to
see your resume.
-
Life is too short to waste time matching
socks.
-
Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to
talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
-
I won't be impressed with technology until I
can download food.
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Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with
a twist.
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I really don't mind getting old, but my body
is having a major fit.
-
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to
live like a homeless person.
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Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn't
an official job title.
-
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She
made me an appointment for Tuesday.
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I've reached the age where my train of thought
often leaves the station without me.
-
If you're happy and you know it, it's your
meds.
Punctual
A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?" He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
Wisdom Of Groucho Marx
-
Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong
remedies.
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Be open minded, but not so open minded that
your brains fall out.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I
would be happy to do it for you.
-
Those are my principles, and if you don't like
them... well, I have others.
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who
are.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair
dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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While money can't buy happiness, it certainly
lets you choose your own form of misery.
-
It is impossible to design anything that is
foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
-
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of
bandages and adhesive tape.
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off 10 percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."
I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you seniors, the coffee is free."
Understand -- I'm not old -- I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer -- can't hear what they say.
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit ... not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old ... I'm only mature.
Today’s Thought
One minute you're young and fun. Next, you're turning down the car stereo to
see better.
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