Friday's Funnies

 

Christmas Q&A

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it soots him.

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Snowman Seen

A snowman was seen at the carrot bin in the produce section of the local grocery. He was picking his nose.

Christmas Challenges

One door closes, another opens. One door closes, another opens. One door closes, another opens. -- Me, eating through a chocolate Advent Calendar.

Grandma's Strategy 

One Christmas, a mother decided she was no longer going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Consequently, the kids' grandmother never received any thanks for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids. The very next Christmas, all the kids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks. When asked by a friend what caused this change in behavior, the grandmother replied, "Simple, this year I didn't sign the checks."

Find Your Christmas IQ Test

Each answer is a title from a famous Christmas song:

1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy's dessert drink (10 points)

2. Why Rudolph can't get insurance (10 points)

3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent (10 points)

4. He who doesn't talk at the Round Table (10 points)

5. Southern ladies in AARP (10 points)

Bonus: The song of septuplets (25 points)

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ANSWERS:

1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy's dessert drink: "Frosty the Snowman" (10 points)

2. Why Rudolph can't get insurance: "Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer" (10 points)

3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent: "Joy to the World!" (10 points)

4. He who doesn't talk at the Round Table: "Silent Night (Knight!)" (10 points)

5. Southern ladies in AARP: "Silver Bells (Belles!)" (10 points)

BONUS: The song of septuplets: "What Child is this?" (25 points)

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TOTAL SCORE

75 points = Some would say you're a Christmas genius. Others would say you really need to get a life.

50 – 65 points = You probably cheated...but hey, way to go. You must really like "The Far Side"

30 – 40 points = Good job. Your Christmas I.Q. is way above average.

10 – 20 points = You're normal. Be grateful.

0 points = Thanks for playing. Try again next year...

Christmas Wish 

When a father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy replied, "A baby sister." As it turned out, the wife was pregnant, and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son. The next year, when the father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy said, "If it wouldn't make mommy too uncomfortable, I'd like a pony."

Cats’ Favorite Christmas Songs

1. Up on the Mousetop

2. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas

3. Joy to the Curled

4. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus

5. The First Meow

6. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful

7. Silent Mice

8. Fluffy, the Snowman

9. Jingle Balls

10. Wreck the Halls

Today’s Thought

Dear Santa, I can explain.