Friday's Funnies

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

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A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate wife's birthday. They'd gotten ready - all dressed up, put the cat out, etc.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat ran back into the house.

Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab, and said, "Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out.”

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A recent survey in Australia asked the following question: Are there too many foreigners in this country now?Answer:18% said: YES82% said: معهد الأمن العالمي بوا! شن

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Best Golf Caddie Comments
#10
Golfer: 'Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.'
Caddy: 'Think you can keep your head down that long?'
#9
Golfer: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.'
Caddy: 'Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.'
#8
Golfer: 'Do you think my game is improving?'
Caddy: 'Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.'
#7
Golfer: 'Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?'
Caddy: 'Eventually.'
#6
Golfer: 'You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.'
Caddy: 'I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.'
#5
Golfer: 'Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction!!
Caddy: 'It's not a watch - it's a compass.'
#4
Golfer: 'How do you like my game?'
Caddy: 'Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.'
#3
Golfer: 'Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: 'The way you play sir, it's a sin on any day.'
#2
Golfer: 'This is the worst course I've ever played on.'
Caddy: 'This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.'

AND THE #1 Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: 'That can't be my ball, it's too old.'
Caddy: 'It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.'

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Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.