Friday's Funnies

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending markets in the US and the troubles with Northern Rock and now Bradford and Bingley in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to severely cut back its branches.

Friday, it was announced Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is likely to go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts reported something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that the staff there may get a raw deal.

Things just get worse and worse!

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"You can't take it with you"

Trying to disprove the saying "You can't take it with you," a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that old fool!" she exclaimed. "I knew I should have put the money in the basement."

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"Need money"

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars."

At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line."
The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"

"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.

The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly."

The father says, "Oh, good. YOU send him the money!"

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An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"

The man, being a real smart alec, said, "Oh, well, that's what you can do when you're young and bright."

This made the lady even angrier, so she got in her car, backed up, pressed on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man raced back to his car and exclaimed, "What did you go and do that for?"

The little old lady replied, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

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CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied. "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law… "

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While at work this man heard a very funny knock-knock joke. He told himself, "Although my wife is blonde I'm sure she will get this one!" Upon arriving home that night he proceeded to tell his wife about this joke he had heard. "Knock-knock" he said. She said "Hold on honey, let me answer the door."

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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right