Christmas Thoughts
· Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also.
· A pastor asked his Bible class, "Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem?" A young student replied, "Because his mother was there."
· Three phrases that have come to sum up Christmas (for better or worse) are: "Peace on Earth," "Goodwill to Men" and "Batteries Not Included."
· "Where did I say that you should buy so much stuff to celebrate My birthday!?"
Shepherds
The Sunday School teacher looked at the little boy's drawing of a manger scene. A large dog was among the animals. The teacher looked puzzled. "Oh," said the child, "That's a German Shepherd."
Christmas Stamps
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. Clerk: What denomination do you want? Woman: Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.
Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The husband wandered off as she was standing in line, saying something about being back in a little bit. After getting through the line, the husband wasn't back yet and since they still had more shopping to do, the wife called him on the mobile. The wife said, "Where are you?" He said, " You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I couldn't afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you." Tears started to flow down her cheeks and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied. "I'm in the pub next to that."
Noel
My son, a kindergartener learning to read, was enjoying the Christmas lights as we drove around checking out the beautiful decorations. Noticing one display in a yard, he promptly spelled out the letters, "N-O-E-L" and asked what word it was. "Noel," I matter-of-factly replied. Back came an exasperated reply, "But, Mom, if there's no 'L,' then what does it spell?"
My son, a kindergartener learning to read, was enjoying the Christmas lights as we drove around checking out the beautiful decorations. Noticing one display in a yard, he promptly spelled out the letters, "N-O-E-L" and asked what word it was. "Noel," I matter-of-factly replied. Back came an exasperated reply, "But, Mom, if there's no 'L,' then what does it spell?"
Santa
Eventually a child begins having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day this happened:
Child: "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."
Mother, with dread: "What is that?"
Child: "They're all nocturnal."
Christmas Presents
When my son, Terrence, was four years old, he piqued everyone's interest when he placed a childishly wrapped package under the tree for each family member. On Christmas morning, Terrence looked on with joy and expectation as we opened his gifts. There were exclamations of "I thought I'd lost that!" and "So that's where that went!" When we asked Terrence why he had wrapped our favorite items, he replied, "Because I knew it was something you would really want!"
Christmas Presents
When my son, Terrence, was four years old, he piqued everyone's interest when he placed a childishly wrapped package under the tree for each family member. On Christmas morning, Terrence looked on with joy and expectation as we opened his gifts. There were exclamations of "I thought I'd lost that!" and "So that's where that went!" When we asked Terrence why he had wrapped our favorite items, he replied, "Because I knew it was something you would really want!"
The Omission
After turning ninety, Marie found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send checks to everyone instead. She wrote "Buy your own present" on each card and mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry to family festivities. Only after Christmas did she get around to clearing off her cluttered desk. There, under a stack of papers, she was horrified to find the gift checks, which she had forgotten to enclose with her cards.
The Contestant
The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and was about to answer the final question, worth 500 points! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host said, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and...Olive!" The confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain 'Olive'?" "You know," the man said, and began to sing: "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. 'Olive,' the other reindeer..."
After turning ninety, Marie found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send checks to everyone instead. She wrote "Buy your own present" on each card and mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry to family festivities. Only after Christmas did she get around to clearing off her cluttered desk. There, under a stack of papers, she was horrified to find the gift checks, which she had forgotten to enclose with her cards.
The Contestant
The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and was about to answer the final question, worth 500 points! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host said, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and...Olive!" The confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain 'Olive'?" "You know," the man said, and began to sing: "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. 'Olive,' the other reindeer..."
The Christmas Kiss
Shortly before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was tired of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale. Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't kiss you." "That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."
Shortly before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was tired of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale. Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't kiss you." "That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."
Cats' Favorite Christmas Songs
1. Up on the Mousetop
2. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
3. Joy to the Curled
4. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
5. The First Meow
6. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
7. Silent Mice
8. Fluffy, the Snowman
9. Jingle Balls
10. Wreck the Halls
2. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
3. Joy to the Curled
4. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
5. The First Meow
6. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
7. Silent Mice
8. Fluffy, the Snowman
9. Jingle Balls
10. Wreck the Halls
Today’s Thought
I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift," but couldn't people think a bit bigger?!
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