Friday's Funnies

CUSTOMER APPROVAL

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, Dewey mailed off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the same company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items... with a "thank you" note from the manufacturer. "Well, what do you think?" asked his smiling wife, Olga. "I think that next time," Dewey replied, "I'm writing to Toyota."

THE RAISE

Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?" The boss answered, "As soon as you do."

BEST FRIEND

A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "And she turned into a telephone pole!"

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"  "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.  But, there is a Higher Power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?"  One child blurted out, "Aces!"

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.  "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."  "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.  "Yes, sir." the boy replied.  "And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.   "No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime"

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.  "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do." his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."  "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified.   She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"  Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!"

ENGLISH LESSON

1. Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?

2. Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car"?

3. And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense, "ate"?

PUNNY RIDDLES

What do you get if you cross an oyster with an owl?
Pearls of wisdom.

What do you call a person who just downloaded 1,000 puns from the Internet?
Well e-quipped.

How do you get a baby astronaut to go to sleep?
Rocket.

What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a sprinkler?
Hare Spray.

Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist?
After a month they were fighting tooth and nail.

TODAY’S THOUGHT

We child proofed our home - but they're still getting in.