Big Cavity
"Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began
his examination of the patient.
"Good grief!" he said, startled. "You've got the biggest
cavity I've ever seen -- the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK, doc!" replied the patient.
"I'm scared enough without you saying it twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist.
"That was the echo."
The Dissemination of Information
Programmer to Team Leader:
"We can't do this proposed project. **CAN NOT** It will
involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this
legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in
which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on
it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take
these type of projects"
Team Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve a design change. Currently,
we don't have any staff with experience in this type of work. Also, the
language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if
we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a
project of this nature."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves a design change in the system
and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our
company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be
able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete
it."
1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager:
"This project involves design re-engineering. We have
some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation
language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take
this project, but with caution."
Senior Level Manager to CEO:
"This project will demonstrate to the industry our
capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all
the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some
people have already given in-house training in this area to other staff
members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us
under any circumstances."
CEO to Client:
"This is the type of project in which our company
specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large
clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the
industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can
execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame."
Doctors Say the Craziest Things
The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual
medical records as dictated by physicians:
~ By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped
and he was feeling better.
~ On the second day, the knee was better and on the third
day it had completely disappeared.
~ The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing
me in 1983.
~ Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
~ The patient refused an autopsy.
~ The patient has no past history of suicides.
~ The patient's medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
~ She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in
separate directions in early December.
~ She is numb from the toes down.
~ The skin was moist and dry.
~ When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Coin Flip
Mrs. Baker, a fifth grade teacher, observed a student in her
class during a True/False test, flipping a coin and then choosing an
answer. Mrs. Baker thought to herself,
"Hah! Norman didn't study again."
This answer selection method continued throughout the entire test. After Norman was obviously finished, Mrs.
Baker again watched Norman flipping the coin and continuing through the test a
second time. "Norman, what are you
doing now?" asked Mrs. Baker.
Norman replied, "I'm doing what you always tell us to do! I'm
checking my answers!"
DAILY HOMEWORK POLICY
Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night:
This time should be budgeted in the following manner:
- 15 minutes looking for assignment
- 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment
- 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just
does not like students
- 8 minutes in the bathroom
- 10 minutes getting a snack
- 7 minutes checking the DVR
- 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained
the assignment
- 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or
Dad to do the assignment
LONG TERM HOMEWORK
POLICY
- These assignments are given the night before they are due.
This explains the name "long term."
- It is a long term commitment to the time it takes to
finish it, which usually begins at 9:30 p.m. and ends at 11:50 p.m....or later.
- It is important that the whole family is involved in the
project.
- It is imperative that at least one family member races to
Walmart/Kmart for posterboard, and that at least one family member ends up in
tears (does not have to be the student).
- One parent needs to stay up and complete the project. The
other parent needs to call the school and leave a message that the student is
out sick.
- It is not necessary to have the student's name on the
assignment.
Today’s Thought
There is a guaranteed way to get what you want: Want less.
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