Friday's Funnies

Children's Science Exam

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

+++++

Prayer

A mom was driving her five year old son, Chad, to McDonald's one day and they passed a car accident. Whenever the Mom saw something terrible like that, she would always say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so she pointed and said to her son, "We should pray." From the back seat she heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

Signs You Are Broke

· You can't even pay attention.
· You stop getting offers from those credit card companies trying to get you to transfer your other credit card balances to theirs.
· You forget whose picture is on a Lincoln penny.
· You hock the spare tire from your car.
· You try to take out a bank loan and learn you'll have to use your first-born male child for collateral.
· American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
· You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
· Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
· You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
· Your bologna has no first name.
· Sally Struthers sends you food.
· McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

+++++

WELL PLANNED RETIREMENT: FROM THE LONDON TIMES

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches.

It was staffed by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars $1.40 and coaches $7.00. This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.

Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Well," said Bristol Zoo Management, "we'd better phone City Council and have them send a new parking attendant."

"Aahhh... no," said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"No," said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council.
Wasn't he?"

"No!" insisted the Council. "We thought he was your employee all of these years."

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or on a white sandy beach somewhere, is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at about $560 per day at the Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million!

And no one even knows his name.

Golden. Simply golden.

+++++

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, she said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."