Happy New Year!
K9 partner
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
School Funnies
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
Words You Won't Find In the Dictionary
1)
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom
at 3 am in the morning and cannot be cast out.
3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
4) Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit
you're eating.
5) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only
things that are good for you.
6) Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you
come at them rapidly.
7) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted
and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
8) Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without
funding.
9) Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
10) Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
11) Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
12) Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you
from drifting off to sleep.
Decimal Point
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then
rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by
ten. "Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point
now?" "On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.
Trust Test
A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense
attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police
officer's credibility ...
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching
the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this
so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do
you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily
duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow
officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room
you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court
complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess
was called.
Why?
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,
the mustang, the colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
Dad Joke
Someone ripped the 5th month out my new 2024 calendar! I'm dismayed!
Today’s Thought
Gotta love the irony of a generation raised on making prank calls only to be
terrorized daily by robo-calls now.
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