Honesty
A police office came to my house and asked where I was
between 5 and 6. He seemed irritated when I answered "kindergarten."
Student Answers
The teacher asked her students which state they thought
has the most cows. A little girl raised her hand and said, "Texas." The
teacher said, "That is right, you get an A. Now which state do you think
has the most sheep?" A little boy raised his hand and said,
"Montana." The teacher said, "That's right, you get an A. Who
can tell me which state has the most turkeys?" Little Johnny raised his
hand and said, "That's easy! Washington D.C."
Anti-Drug Message
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just
before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us
the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically
swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that
already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my
daughter. That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her
shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other,
"Be Smart, Don't Start."
Praying
Mom: "Johnny, it's your turn to say Grace before dinner."
Johnny: "But Mom -- if I thank God for broccoli,
won't he know I'm lying?"
Rules
For Frequent Fliers
1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running
late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate
within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as
you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee. Or try to type on your
laptop.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on
the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just find
the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the
lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on
luggage passengers will bring aboard.
Makes Me Sick
People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let
me tell you, that just makes me sick.
Which
one would you choose?
You're driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night.
You pass a bus stop and see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old woman, who looks as if she's about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The man / woman of your dreams.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing there could only be one
passenger in your car.
This is a moral / ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job
application. You could pick up the old woman because she is going to die; thus
you should save her first. Or you could pick up the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him / her back. However,
you may never be able to find your perfect dream love again. The candidate who
was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let
him take the old woman the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus
with the woman of my dreams."
Secret Of Marriage
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a
brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the
secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years
ago we made a promise to each other...the first one to pack up and leave has to
take all the kids."
Bathroom Scale
Two children went into their parent's bathroom and
noticed the scale in the corner. "Whatever you do," cautioned one
child to the younger one, "don't step on it!" "Why not?"
asked the sibling. "Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful
scream!"
Dad Joke
I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating
dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
Today’s Thought
And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly
rich.
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