Friday's Funnies

Today marks 19 years since I started sending out Friday’s Funnies.  I don’t search for any material, I just file any jokes that come in by e-mail that I pull from each Friday.  It doesn’t take long to put together, but many have commented on how it reminds them to pray for us weekly.  And that is the motivation to continue!  Putting a smile on your face each Friday is a close second.  Enjoy, Stan

More Exercise

I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

Paid in Full

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that he had completed the work a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.  Hellooooo,…just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I  am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.  Hellooooo? It's been a year, so I told him they're paid for. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Passing the Test

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him and then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."

Optical Problem

I took my five-year-old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses were prescribed "to help him read and be able to see the computer better." When we got back home, he got on the computer to play a game. In a few minutes he called me and said there was something wrong with his glasses. I asked him what was the problem and he said, "I still can't read."

Proofreading is a dying art

News headlines

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Who wrote this?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Good-for-nothing' lazy guys!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they large enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Today’s Thought

Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.