You Know It's Hot When...
- When your car is overheating before you drive it.
- Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC
blowing on it.
- Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside
is hotter than the heated air in the balloon
- You discover that you can drive the car using only two
fingers on the hot steering wheel.
- The ducks in the park are designated "original
recipe" and "extra crispy."
-More hot water comes from the cold water tap than the
hot one.
- Your pool water boils so much in the sun that you can
boil potatoes in ten minutes in it.
- You burn the grass by watering it with the hose.
- A hot shower cools you off.
- The politicians have to take their hands out of your
pockets to fan themselves.
- You cover the leather seats in the car with cloth or
sit on towels.
- Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter,
a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
- You burn your hand opening the car door and your rear
end wearing shorts on the hot seats.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by the
shade under trees instead of the distance to the door.
- Your dog refuses to go outside so you are forced to
build and inside a/c toilet facility for it.
- All picnics feature hot food like it or not.
- There is no such thing as "Cool Aid."
- The beaches are over populated with natives instead of
tourists.
Bragging
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they
were.
"I'm so tough," said the first boy, "that
I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week."
"Well," said the second little boy, "I'm
so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day."
"That's nothing," said the third boy.
"When my parents take me to see my grandma and grandpa, I can wear them
out in just one hour."
Spy Job
A college graduate applied for a spy job at the Central
Intelligence Agency. Together with
several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to
the fourth floor. As soon as the young
man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind
of person. Report to the fifth floor."
Computer Games
Finally, after years of testing business software, I
landed my dream job -- trying out computer games. My first day at work I was
listing various ideas in a spreadsheet program when my manager walked by. He
looked at my screen for a moment, then said sternly, "I'd better not catch
you using spreadsheets on company time when you know you should be playing
games."
The Lawyer and the Farmer
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a
farmer and a large railroad company. The farmer noticed that his prize cow was
missing from the field through which the railroad passed. He filed suit against
the railroad company for the value of the cow. The case was to be tried before
the Justice of the Peace in the back room of the General Store. The attorney immediately cornered the farmer
and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling
job, and the farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to
settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the
young lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little over his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I hate
to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train
went through your farm that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the
stand." The old farmer replied,
"Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning
that case myself because that durned cow came home this morning!"
Mom and Dad
What we said differently to Mom and Dad growing up:
To Mom:
I'm hungry...
I'm cold...
I'm hot...
Can I have...
I want to watch...
Where are you?
Can you ask Dad?
Can you help me...
He punched me...
She scratched me...
I want to go there...
When are we...?
Why are we...?
Why can't we...?
To Dad:
Where's mom?
The Human Cannonball
After a long career of being blasted across the circus
tent into a tiny net, day after day, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to
retire. "But you can't!"
protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your
caliber?"
Today’s Thought
When people run around and around in circles, we say they
are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.
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